So I am. But I don’t want to. Be. That. Be like that. Be that way. Yesterday, I realised something. All these things we have, do, want, do not matter. It never mattered. And yesterday I learned this. And I’m grateful that I did. Because it really is a happy realisation. It made me feel good. But also, helpless. Because it is not so easy. So that must mean, I do not truly care about the realisation. Or that I’m a hypocrite! That’s not a happy thought. So I cannot end on this “not-a-happy-thought”.
So what can I do about it? Whatever I say to defend myself will only be an excuse. Nothing will be good enough to justify my maybe-apathy, or my maybe-hypocrisy. There are too many thoughts in my head, and not enough time to write everything down. But yesterday was a very different scene, totally unexpected. Yesterday my brain started understanding things, over-working. In a very happy dimension. And everything was good. And pleasant. Mostly euphoric. And I spoke to the father. It was the most pleasant conversation ever. And I felt happy about it. So I think I can end on THIS “happy thought”. The Meth Lab needs to start cooking! 😉