“Hey, what’s up?” he said

Does he know he’s going to be dead?

Because he used “that” word

Now I must kill this turd.

She does the duck-face every time

Oh that’s a serious crime

She’s committed a photography evil

Now I must kill this girl.

He’s bought a packet of chips to eat

But he’s thrown the empty packet on the street

Will somebody give me a hand?

For now I must kill this man.

My pre-pubescent next-door neighbour

Listens to Rebecca Quack and Justin Gayber

She’s a disgrace!! Not a music lover

Now I must kill her.

Someone in the house has used my spoon

“Death shall strike you soon. Very soon”

Touching my belongings evokes so much hate

Now I must kill the roommate.